It’s officially official.

Posted on by Robyn

It’s almost official. Just need to fetch my bed and my cupboard and then I have officially moved back to Fish Hoek.

At first I was a little bit embarrassed to say I had moved back home. But the truth is that there was no other way this could have gone. And I’m okay with it.
Turns out it’s not so easy to find a job these days! And it also turns out that the pay-out you get for being retrenched doesn’t last forever. Although I did manage to stretch it pretty far, and I’m quite proud of that. But now the bank balance is fairly low and the lease is up on the flat and it’s just time to move on and accept the fact that I am poor :P no point in fighting it, it’s not going to help pay the rent!

Apart from the whole ‘lack of funds’ issue, I would say I’m fairly happy. I think I need to start from square one and figure out what I want to do from now on. I’ve been doing a lot of sewing and baking and a shit ton of sitting on the couch with the dogs and watching series. My mom says the last one is going to make me more depressed but I beg to differ. It’s nice to concentrate on someone else’s life for a bit, don’t you think?

I’m quite good at complaining, and when I was working I always complained that I didn’t have time to bake or take photos or write. And now that I have pretty much all the time in the world, I need to get on it.

Plus I just found a recipe for Bacon Chocolate Brownies. Uh, yes please. (Will post results :P)

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Nothing changes at midnight.

Posted on by Robyn

SO many statuses about how 2012 was crap and that thank goodness it’s new years and that people can’t wait for 2013 because it’ll be so much better. Truth is, it’s tomorrow. What will make tomorrow so much better? And why are we waiting for the year to end before making changes?

I’ve never been a huge fan of New Years parties. They’re overrated. They’re supposed this huge celebration but truth is, they’re usually a disappointment.
This year I ditched my big party plans for something more chilled. So chilled that I actually don’t have any plans yet and I’m sitting alone drinking a “man (lol) sized” Hunters and updating my blog. My life is awesome :P

And so I will end this shitty year by saying thank you to everyone that made it less shit. Thanks to all the new followers, the likes and the new friends. Also the old friends. Here’s to making a conscious effort to make the next 365 days better than the last.

x

Rolling who?

Posted on by Robyn

A while ago I got chosen for the Rolling Stone SA young reporters program. Sweet. So this should mean all sorts of opportunities and name dropping fun times. Not so much. In fact, after the Rolling Stone Weekend, none of us ever heard from them again. And truth is, Rolling Stone really killed my vibe.

I’m not claiming to be a writer. Not at all. I have no qualifications, no experience, no super amazing English skills. Truth is, I just like to write. Not necessarily for the benefit of anyone else. I don’t care who reads or who comments. I just like to get thoughts out of my head. There’s so much going on in there that if I didn’t get some of the ramblings out, I think my brain might literally explode. Yes, literally.

I remember being super excited to be part of the program. It’s weird how that feeling changed from excitement to disappointment to now, complete apathy and indifference. So seeing as Rolling Stone ditched us like a bad first date, here’s my review of the weekend (I feel like I need to get this out of the way, otherwise it feels like I waste my time writing it :P).

The lead up to the Rolling Stone Weekend had all the Young Reporters anxious. A good mix of excitement and anticipation.

This is what we’d all been waiting for. It was finally here. This was going to be huge. And not specifically in terms of people coming through the door but in the sense that this idea, the whole motivation behind gathering 10 of Cape Town’s newest and best bands to showcase their talent alongside the Young Reporters; THIS idea was possibly the beginning of something so great and so beneficial to everyone involved, that it was almost impossible to wrap your head around.

The people of Cape Town are creatures of habit. Same venues, same faces, same bands. This weekend that habit was shattered. Rolling Stone managed to take 2 of Cape Town’s most popular clubs and turn them into one super venue.
The Mercury crowd gathered in intimate pockets; like a scene from a house party but with a better soundtrack.
This wasn’t a normal gig with the same 3 bands that played a similar show last month. This was a gathering of music appreciators; hanging out, listening to great artists and just generally having a good time. We were all here to mingle, meet new people, and add 10 awesome new bands to our Facebook ‘like’ list.

Rolling Stone had simply provided a stage for these young artists to showcase their talent, and a dance floor for the audience to show their support. The fact that there were no pre-conceptions of what the event would be like or who would turn up, meant that it couldn’t possibly disappoint.

“I wanted to write a genderless love song, so that everyone could enjoy it.” Simon Tamblyn from Tape Hiss and Sparkle summed it up perfectly. This was a show without a specific genre. In fact, half of the bands that played could be compared to the weird girl in the corner. You would never have thought about talking to her, but there she is and you’re listening and you actually think she’s awesome. Rolling Stone Weekend was our genderless love song. It was all about seeing a performer for the first time and falling in love. Or even just falling in like. Either way, you went home to Google-stalk them.

The bands played and the attendees milled between the 2 venues, stopping in at Shack for a game of pool and a beer, in true houseparty style.

There was this overwhelming sense of camaraderie. This actually wasn’t about the bands and the audience as separate entities. They were one and the same. Everyone at the event was there for the same reason, and we were all just as excited as the next person.
It was an honour to be invited to play. Rolling Stone was the head cheerleader and the bands were out to impress.

The Weekend achieved what it set out to do. There were rappers watching punk thrash bands. Hip hop artists watching rock-a-billy. And metalheads dancing to blues. Spreading the love of music in general and giving deserving bands the recognition they need. Mission accomplished.

:/

Posted on by Robyn

I’ve been unemployed for a month and 11 days.
I’d love to say I’ve been sitting around doing nothing but sipping on cocktails and tanning… but truth is, I’ve been super busy. It feels like I haven’t been lazy at all!

One thing I have realised is that I don’t think I could ever go back to an office job. The more time I spend unemployed, the more I don’t ever want to work for someone else again. But this is not a perfect world and things don’t work like that. So I’ve spent the last few days sifting through all the crap on Gumtree (there’s a lady looking for someone to impregnate her) and have come to this conclusion:
I am screwed.
Even if I wanted to work in an office again, I’m not qualified for any the majority of the posts. Or the ones that I am able to do, are paying so little that it really isn’t worth my time or effort. But even those are few and far between.
So what I have decided is this (not that I had much of an option):

I will apply for as many kak part time jobs as time will allow and hope they get back to me so that I can at least cover rent.
And use all my shooting star and eyelash wishes to make sure my label takes off.

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?

Love lost..

Posted on by Robyn

..not really.

I decided that it was time to go home for a bit. I missed having people around during the day that I could talk to if I felt like it. But also people that I knew would leave me to do my own thing.
I missed my dogs; I missed the way they are ALWAYS overly excited to see me, even if I’ve only been gone for 30 minutes.
And I think I also needed to get out of the space that was making me feel so bummed. And what I realised was: it wasn’t actually the space, but I guess I had kinda linked the feelings to my surroundings at the time.
One of the contributing factors to how I was feeling, wasn’t what I thought it was. If that makes any sense.
I’m not really someone who goes out actively looking for love or like or whatever. Mainly because I have no clue how to go about it. I’ve been single for the majority of my 24 years on this little place we call earth.
I’ve always thought it should be simple. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy back. Done. But the thing is, nothing is ever that simple.
So I guess I got so caught up in the possibility of something working out and I guess, adding a bit radness to that part of my life, that I didn’t really take other factors into consideration. Or rather I didn’t take into consideration that there COULD be other factors. And that was why I got so bleak about it. I couldn’t see why it wasn’t working like it should.
But that is life. It’s not the only reason that I’m not happy. One thing at a time!

I don’t know how to say, that I don’t know how I feel today.

Posted on by Robyn

I wouldn’t say I’m depressed. Mainly because I’m sure how I’m feeling is nothing compared to what people who have actual depression feel.
I know I technically don’t have anything to complain about. I have a roof over my head, rad friends and there’s (usually) food in the fridge. But as selfish as it sounds, that’s kinda not enough. I remember when I could just convince myself I WAS happy, and that was that.

I guess I’m just feeling run down. Bleak. Apathetic. You know when you think something will finally work how its supposed to? And them boom, it all fucks out. I would just like things to be slightly simpler for a change. I just want to be happy.

I’m feeling too great about myself as a person either. I try to be an okay person as much as I can. But I somehow keep managing to mess up. I think I liked myself better when I would rather inconvenience myself to please others. I didn’t feel great then either, but it was a hell of a lot better than how I’m feeling now.

Today is particularly bad for some reason. If it wasn’t Kate’s birthday, I pretty much would have written this day off hours ago. But instead I will head to town to drink pink drinks to lighten my mood.

This post is way too emo. And no, “snap out of it” won’t work. Its the first thing I tried.

x

Take this job and shove it, I ain’t working here no more

Posted on by Robyn

Today is my last day working at JobCrystal. As of 5pm this afternoon, I am officially unemployed!

It’s weird, but I’m actually super stoked. I mentioned in a previous post that I wasn’t happy here. Sitting at this desk for 9 hours a day, pretty much just refreshing Facebook, has been soul destroying. I could be using my time doing way more useful stuff. So yeah, I probably should be freaking out about finding a new job but I’ve literally been working since I was in Matric so now it’s time for me to take a bit of a break.
I’ve decided that I do NOT want to get into another crappy job just because it pays the rent. I would rather work 3 cool part time jobs than 1 full time shitty job. (I feel confident saying this mainly because I got retrenched which equals an okay pay out from the company. I might change my mind when that money runs out and I need to save myself from starvation).

I have some ideas lined up – some riskier than others – but hey, I won’t know till I try. But for now I want to sleep in late and party during the week. I want to stay in pjs all day just because I can. And I’m going to get crazy good at Call of Duty. Suck it.

It’s not the monsters under my bed or in the wardrobe, I just feel alone in the world, with lights off and eyes closed

Posted on by Robyn

Scared of the dark – Lower Than Atlantis

Man is,
Afraid of the unknown,
I don’t know what the night brings,
When I’m alone

The lamp’s on,
It’s always been that way,
It’s a way, I hope that things,
Will always stay

And I’m embarrassed to say,
That I’m still scared of the dark at my age,
It’s not the monsters under my bed or in the wardrobe,
I just feel alone in the dark,
With the lights off and eyes closed

Now the world knows,
The world knows

In darkness,
I see shapes and beings dancing on the walls
And in the corners of the ceiling
They surround me,
Like an army of ninja ghosts,
Waiting for me to sleep,
It’s when they attack the most

That’s when they attack the most

And I’m embarrassed to say,
That I’m still scared of the dark at my age,
It’s not the monsters under my bed or in the wardrobe,
I just feel alone in the world,
With lights off and eyes closed

Now the world knows
The world knows

And I’m embarrassed to say,
That I’m still scared of the dark at my age,
It’s not the monsters under my bed or in the wardrobe,
I just feel alone in the world,
With lights off and eyes closed

Man is,
Afraid of the unknown

Lower than Atlantis – Scared of the dark (not an official video)

This is a fort of sorts.

Posted on by Robyn

2 weekends ago, I moved out of my parents house for the first time. A little late, I know. I’m quite behind with these things.
It probably wasn’t the best time to move, I’m being retrenched next year, but we got a REALLY good deal on a cool apartment in Claremont. Great deal. The rooms are decent size and we’re each paying less than R2000 in rent. Which is pretty much almost unheard of these days.
This is my second week being “on my own” and this is what I have discovered so far:

  • I miss my dogs a retarded amount. If I could talk to them on the phone every night, I would. I miss having to protect my morning tea from sneaky Ellie and having to fight over couch space with Finn. I even miss Zack growling at me when I trip over him in the kitchen.
  • I thought food would be a major expense. Turns out cleaning stuff is WAY worse. I’ve become quite good at making thrifty (but tasty) meals, but there is no way to get around spending money on silly things like Handy Andy and Sunlight liquid.
  • You really need to look at little things when you’re viewing places. Like if there will be a spot for a fridge. Our massive fridge now takes up a great deal of our kitchen. But hey, the beers are cold.
  • I have a real fear of people looking in through my window. It freaks me out. A LOT. Busy organising curtains to put up over my blinds.
  • I was most excited about having house keys. That sounds weird, but I’ve actually never had my own set. My parent’s house is in a super safe area so they actually used to leave the front door unlocked when I went out at night (for all you thieves reading this post, they lock everything now that there are no kids to come home at 4am). But now that I DO have my own house keys, I pretty much always forget them in my car. What a mission.
  • We moved so that we could be closer to town (we had all been driving to town a lot and I was in town probably 3 times a week for meetings and Rolling Stone stuff). Now that we’re closer, we haven’t been to town once.
  • Peanut butter is bloody expensive!
  • You need more than 4 teaspoons.
  • If you hammer nails into the wall to hang a clock at 4pm, your neighbour will come downstairs to complain about the noise and the fact that you’re disrupting his sleep. Who knows why he’s sleeping at 4 in the afternoon, or why he’s wearing leather pants. We didn’t ask.
  • I have really awesome housemates. I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t a bit nervous moving in with 2 friends. I like my own space. But it really has been so chilled. We all do our own thing, but we still sit down together for dinner and a movie. Super romantic style. Also, Walter bought sugar-free biscuits for us the other day. I was quite impressed. I’m pretty sure none of my boyfriends even remembered I was diabetic.

I’m really happy! Apart from being extremely exhausted and stressed about finding a job. But I’m busy working on something that, if it works out, will be super awesome! But I’ll share a bit more on that at a later stage.

 

 

And the clock keeps spinning around.

Posted on by Robyn

There is just so much going on at the moment that I feel like 1/6 of a person.

It’s weird how, for years, you just cruise along with nothing much happening. Same shit, day after day. This may be by choice, or maybe you’re just happy with the way things are.
And then all of a sudden everything happens at once. Complete 180° and weeks later you’re still reeling from the flip.
I’m busy packing, moving, buying fridges, working full time. Trying desperately to start my own business. Job searching. Squeezing some writing in wherever possible. Meetings. Getting my foot in the door. Juggling 2 “jobs” and 12 hours days.

I need 3 of me. And holy crap, I’ll be so happy when I don’t have to drive over Ou Kaapse Weg every day.